
by Marsha Rexford
“We are wrens among peacocks” I whispered to Jean. Colorful saris swirl around us: brocades, silks, embellishments galore. Miles of pink and orange fabric drape the perimeter, festooned with garlands of golden zinnias and bouquets of pink roses. Miniature lights twinkle; aromas of spicy curries waft from the adjacent tent to mix with the fruity tobacco from the hookah bar. A techno beat draws guests to the dance floor, and our feet are tapping as we accept flutes of champagne. It is the 3rd night of festivities and we are only halfway through the wedding week.
We had accepted the gracious invitation of our dear friend and former professor, Mohan, to attend his niece’s wedding in New Delhi. He assured us that a traditional Indian wedding was an experience not to be missed. Typically lasting the better portion of a week, it is a lavish celebration. Family and friends come from all parts of the globe to commemorate the nuptials, as well as catch up with those living in distant lands. Parents plan and save for weddings from the time of their child’s birth. Marriages are frequently arranged by parents; however the couple are allowed the final choice.
It began with the first of two pujas, a traditional Hindu prayer ceremony. We sat cross-legged on floor among the other women, men around the outside and family members toward the front. There was a small shrine, and gifts of fruits and sweets were placed among the candles. We were handed small prayer books (quite optimistically as they were printed in Hindi) and shown where to join in. The air was thick with incense as the chanting, clapping and singing continued. It was an easy atmosphere, with folks moving about the room, heads huddled in conversation, laughter rising to meet the music. The bride and other young girls twirl in joyous dance. We feel like voyeurs in this unfamiliar setting, although our presence was greeted with smiles and we were beckoned to join the dance. Into the tent draped with turquoise and white fabric, twinkling lights and flower garlands for the reception to follow: food stations all around with an astounding array of tasty treats. Tonight’s menu is vegetarian since it is part of the religious ceremony: spicy curries, grilled skewers of cheese, chick pea fritters, freshly made naan and chapati filled with an awesome mixture, tomato soup, cucumbers,carrots, mangoes…we cannot possibly sample everything but we save room for our favorite pistachio kulfi (ice cream).
The official engagement party was to begin at 8 pm; we arrived at 10pm, about the same as the hosting groom’s family. Again it is over-the-top decor, flowers and twinkle lights, food galore, and an open bar. The bride’s family present gifts of jewelry, cash and sweets; a Hindu pundit (priest) blesses gifts and the exchange of rings, which seemed a bit perfunctory given all the glitz. The band cranks up and dancing begins. Jean is a desired dance partner and the only female at the hookah station. We leave exhausted at 3 am, and there are small children still dancing.
Our hennaed hands are dark, dramatic souvenirs of the mehndi. Held in the front courtyard of the bride’s parents’ home, the henna application is an informal family event. People move in and out of the house, children play, delicious smells come from the kitchen–lamb kabobs and goat curry. We sip chilled mango juice as we wait our turn with the henna artists; one of the aunts plays a drum and soft singing follows. What a privilege it has been, being folded into the family. At last night’s party, we were asked if we were relatives from Kabul! Tonight is another twinkly function of food, drinks, flowers, hookah…is that Mohan in a conga line with a basket on his head? He deems it the “Punjab Soul Train”.
We are introduced to IST: Indian Standard Time. Nothing starts on time, everything takes longer than expected, punctuality is not a prized virtue. The official wedding day has arrived. Traffic is heinous, so we are over two hours late. However, we are among the first of the 800 or so guests to trickle in. The decor of flowers, fabric and lights is amplified for tonight; an army of waiters laden with trays of hot hors d’oeuvres and drinks resembling mojitos descend as we enter. A great ruckus draws us back outside; the groom and his family have arrived.
Heralded by drums, brass band, torches and banners hoisted,a clapping crowd usher in the horse drawn carriage bearing the groom. Father of the bride greets father of the groom; uncles-uncles; brothers-brothers. Eventually everyone is back inside, where the bride proceeds under a canopy held by her brother and cousins, with female relatives behind. She is stunning and her costume must weigh 25 pounds. The couple stand on an elevated dais, before a purple velvet settee. Photographers begin a lengthy session. I admired the couple’s stamina. It will be dawn before the ceremony concludes.
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Visit Taj Mahal from Delhi by Car
If You Go:
♦ Best time is November-March to avoid oppressive heat and monsoons. January is a popular wedding month.
♦ Pack your patience–Delhi is chaotic!
♦ Side trips to Agra/Taj Mahal and Jaipur are easily made from Delhi.
By Train: indiarailinfo.com
By Plane: airindia.in
About the author:
Marsha Rexford is a veteran traveler with a special fondness for the road less traveled, whether on foot, bicycle or the occasional pack animal. She is transitioning from a career in healthcare to free lance writing. Currently living in North Carolina, she can be reached at mrexford1@carolina.rr.com
All photos are by Marsha Rexford except #4 by Jean Wiegand:
Entrance to puja reception
Entrance to wedding venue
Henna application at mehndi
Women of all ages participate in mehndi
Bride with her family

Dusk fell as we wound through a cypress grove filled with some half a million graves. The faithful have been buried here since the Kobo Daishi died in 835 AD. Famed as a poet, painter and calligrapher, and for bringing Shingon Buddhism to Japan, the Kobo Dashi is of the most revered figures in Japanese history. He sits in repose in his mausoleum, the Oko-in, where monks still bring him food twice a day.
The journey with the Kobo Dashi begins at a stone basin. Ubiquitous to Japanese temples, these basins overflow with running water, usually from a nearby stream. After ladling icy water over our hands, we bowed on crossing the graceful Ichinohashi Bridge; the Kobo Daishi then joined us. A lady in the shop opposite smiled and waved. The path then winds through the Okunoin, a grove of cypress and tombs. Tiny tracks stray from the main walkway, leading to even more tombs hidden in dells and forgotten grottos. The only sound was the chirping of crickets, or the ring of bells as white-robe pilgrims passed. Many of the tombs are simple stone plaques or wooden markers; others are the enormous mausoleums of shoguns. Animal shaped stones are popular, often with red cloths or little aprons tied around them.
After a thirty-minute stroll, the track opens onto Oko-in, the Kobo Daishi’s temple. Suddenly the place bustles, for another path (almost a road) comes straight from the huge car park where the daily buses grind to a halt, delivering tourists intent on achieving enlightenment in a few hours. On this walkway can be found many gaudy (and theologically suspect) edifices, such as the White Ant Memorial, built as a guilt offering by a pesticide company.
Despite hosting over a million pilgrims a year, Koyasan remains a spiritual place. Most leave by mid-afternoon, and by evening we walked deserted streets. Many of the temples lie hidden behind wooden gates and guarded by stone lions, with the occasional glimpse of a balcony.
Originally laid out in 1140 CE during the Song Dynasty, this garden was abandoned for six centuries before being restored in 1770 by a retired official in the Emperor’s court. This frustrated official indicated that he would rather be a fisherman than a bureaucrat which is how this garden derives its name – Master of Nets Garden. This garden of earthly delights is hidden inside the owner’s yard and was intended for his own pleasure.
Grace mentioned that neighboring families would compete for the best garden. If one family had a pavilion constructed for a particular purpose like music or art, the other families, not to be outdone, would do the same and then downplay its significance.
On the east side of the pond, you find the hexagonal Pavilion for the Advent of the Moon and Wind whose image reflects off the calm water. Find your way there by crossing the narrow one-foot wide bridge but be careful or you will become one with the pond.
The Grand Canal, flowing from Beijing to Hangzhou, is 1,795 kilometers long. Segments of the Grand Canal were started as early as 496 BCE but it was only joined into one long artery during the Sui Dynasty (581-618 CE). Over the subsequent centuries, parts of the canal fell into disuse and became blocked up so it is not longer possible to travel to Beijing by water. Fortunately for you the Suzhou segment remains intact and the historic section of the city is still accessible by water. This is your opportunity to enjoy a 40 minute boat ride through some of the most scenic sections of this ancient city.
Over the course of our gondola ride, the width of the canal varied from about 1.5 to 6 meters wide. Along the route, the height of the greyish side walls varied. In some locations, these consisted of the 5 meter high back walls of stone homes that were over 450 years old. Along the route I began to understand how a rat feels as it runs through a maze. This feeling quickly vanished as we passed under the first of several elegant stone pedestrian bridges spanning the canal.
After dinner I sat and waited for Pyle in my room over the Catinat.”
Further along Duong Dong Khoi stands the Rex Hotel. Here the rooftop bar (complete with elephants) overlooks the heart of Saigon; perhaps this is why a bottle of champagne here comes with six waiters. The heavens of the wet season opened just as we sat down, so for an hour or so we had the place – plus waiters – to ourselves. After beginning life as a French garage, during the Vietnam War the Rex Hotel became home to the Press Corps, and probably the CIA. Now it is owned by the Communist Party.
I had seen him last September coming across the square towards the bar of the Continental.”
A few tree-lined blocks to the north of the Rex Hotel, the Cathedral Notre Dame and the Central Post Office face one another across a small square. Although Fowler was dismissive of the style, the cathedral is quite delightful, with each stone shipped from Marseilles, and the stained glass from Chartres.
The train from Colombo had brought us nearly 2000 metres up into the Sri Lankan Highlands amid acres of tea plantations. For six hours we climbed higher and higher leaving the urban sprawl of the capital, travelling through tangled jungle to reach the patchwork neatness of the tea country. We left the train at Nanu Oya and bumped along the potholed road to Nuwara Eilya in a taxi, passing hillside tea plantations with names such as Edinburgh and Glasgow.
Entering Nuwara Eilya the dilapidated race track was immediately in front of us. Our taxi driver assured us that two meetings a year were still held here although this seemed unlikely. In front of the down-at-heel grandstand the final straight was uneven and unkempt and the fence outside the perimeter of the track was falling down. Ponies available for tourist hire grazed on the track. The condition of the racetrack was a stark contrast to that of the nearby golf course which was immaculate.
Walking into the commercial part of the town we explored the shops and market before crossing the road to one of Nuwara Eilya’s most distinctive buildings to post a card home. Slightly elevated, the pretty Victorian brick post office has a tiled roof, gables and a clock spire. From the outside it reminded me of something from an English village and the lines from Brook sprang to mind ‘Stands the church clock at 10 to 3, and is there honey still for tea?’ but inside the somnolent air was dispelled by the eager and noisy customers.
Sheltering from the rain we took a tuk tuk up the hill to the gothic looking Holy Trinity Anglican Church built in 1863. The church has a cemetery full of the graves of British civil servants, soldiers, diplomats, planters, their wives and children. Although cared for this corner of a foreign field felt sad and lonely, marking forever the resting place of those who remained behind long after their families had left for Home.
